by Aaron Kahland
I have been living in Germany now for half my life. Men spend time with men, women spend time with women. If a man spends time with women (I have encountered such an example once) the other men think he is odd and want little to do with him. Indeed, the women think he is odd and say so openly. Reinforcement takes place in language – there is no ‘wife’ – you refer to her as ‘my woman’ and women refer to their spouse as ‘my man.’
Inter-gender social activity takes place when sharing meals or evenings together. If outdoors, men congregate at one end of a table or elsewhere and women at the other.
What is constantly reinforced is gender difference. Women make jokes about men’s traits and men counter with jokes about women. It is unheard of that a woman would find offense at such joke because doing so would be considered a social faux pas and a denial of reality.
This is, from my experience, true for the rest of continental Europe (Britain is culturally American in my view). The idea that women and men are the same would be completely alien to the French. Their society is more feminine so gender differences are more pronounced at the feminine end – with women in a constant state of emphasis on the feminine which manifests itself frequently via female elegance. In much of Eastern Europe the manifestation occurs principally at the masculine end – men not making any particular effort to dress well is an outward sign of masculinity. Man’s role is to work, work is physical, dressing well means you’re not working. Women dress well.
What is also alien to me is this constant whining (I witness online, not in person) by young American males about their women folk. Maybe this is justified. If young women there are behaving like Kardashians etc then I’d be disatisfied also. But whining is the solution to nothing. So here’s my advice –
1. With few exceptions, don’t spend social time with women. What’s the point of that? Are they your peers? Are you going to learn something from those interactions? Is time spent with them somehow going to improve you? If you’re spending time with women frequently you’re probably weak and looking for some emotional comfort or some such nonsense.
2. Stop spending time with males who are losers and this goes for family members also. If your father is a loser – and for many this is unfortunately the case – then you assume the role of family Oberhaupt (head of family).
3. Build things. Build physical things. Build your physique. Build extra-salary/wage income. Build families. Build tribes. This is the most important advice. You do this and I can tell you that women will be attracted to you like a moth to a flame.
4. If you have children spend time with them? Where? In the forest, hiking, reading to them. Use every experience as a lesson – walk past an interesting building and tell them about the architecture. Walk past a monument and tell them about the history behind it. This same interactivity suggestion goes also – and especially so – for your woman. Developing a critically important relationship with your children is improtant for multiple reasons not least that your woman will see you as irreplaceable.
5. Read non-fiction – lots of it. This is needed for point 4.
6. Take offense at NOTHING – no exceptions. Taking offense is for the weak. Women don’t like weakness and real men despise it. The approach to criticism is simple. Do you respect this person? If the answer is no, you laugh it off. If the approach is 2, you think about and, if necessary, ask them for constructive advice on how to improve. Corollary to this point is apologizing. Tend towards apologizing by deed (self-improvement) not word.
7. If you are a young man and begin to date – take the earliest opportunity to assert the fact that you are masculine and you will not tolerate disapproval or even doubt about this fact. Make it clear that you expect your woman to fully commit to the notion that you will both be adopting different roles. Reinforce this via adopting chivalry. Walk on the road end of a pathway, open doors, reject traditionally women’s work but double up on traditionally men’s work. Be more masculine than her father – which for many women will be their benchmark.
8. Learn to cook – this is not women’s work until you have a family. Self-reliance is critical. Food, shelter and warmth are your core responsibilities.
Think about this, do you think your grandfathers, if they were both your age and living today would be competitive males? Do you think you or your friends would stand a chance against them in competing for women? I expect they’d be at the apex of the dating game and laughing about all the pussies they were surrounded with.